Tonight I did some shopping and bought food for my apartment.
The clerk packing groceries was a man I’ve known for years,
Though we’re not quite friends, sometimes we joke around, and
We are always friendly, though he may think I’m odd...
At one point in the checking-out process, he joked to me:
“Oh, you are very fast,” and looked at me like I was weird (as he sometimes does).
I said, “yes, it’s from having to untie my shoelaces fast in Japanese homes...”
I was making a strange joke, which is my normal style (being provocative),
But he was confused and felt a bit defensive, it seemed.
He laughed a bit, shook his head, and in a somewhat judgmental way, said:
“Yes, it’s your specialty.” I think he was insulting me in some way.
But continuing the joke, and adding a friendly comment, I said:
“You know, we all have our own special talents…”
I meant it kindly, in a somewhat simple-minded way.
But then I thought, “oh, but what about him?”
He’s probably in his 50’s, worked as a cashier and food bagger for years,
Made small money by physical labor for years in that fancy food store.
While I come and go to Japan, and have learned to take my shoes off fast.
Now I sit in a warm apartment with tea, while he’s still bagging at the store.
And what is his special talent?
Bagging groceries well?
I wasn’t thinking this way when I said it.
And then I felt sorry for him, and right then he paused and was silent -
Actually, it seemed he was also thinking about himself.
My thoughts triggered his, and he stopped laughing at me.
Actually, it seems his mild ‘you’re strange’ comment backfired,
It boomeranged, echoed back, and he felt a bit humbled.
He meant to put me down, but I brought him closer (“we all have talents…”),
And with kindly raising-up, his mind reversed direction and turned inside again.
I didn’t feel hurt by him - my mind was quiet and relaxed at the time.
But beneath sarcasm was his own pain, and it arose to consciousness.
In the end, we parted warmly with only a few more words.
His joking exhausted, he was quiet again.
He was feeling his own process, I think.
I didn’t think much of it all until later.
But now I realize what happened…
He does think I’m strange (it’s OK, I am),
But he also wants to put me down a bit.
Maybe he’s jealous or thinks I have a happy life.
But responding with a kindly light heart,
Without intention, my field became his mirror.
His mind turned within once again...
I felt it was ‘instant karma’ in operation:
What goes around comes around.
What goes out sooner or later comes in.
I had no plan whatsoever, when I began talking with him.
But it seems we were able to reflect each other well.
Scott Mandelker PhD
San Francisco, CA
January 28, 2008
